i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize