That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
