giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize