I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
