my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
