Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
