My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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