somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize