i think my tv is drunk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
