I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
