I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
