so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize