my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
