never play flip cup with pint glasses
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
