this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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