I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
