I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
