grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
