Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Couch. On fire.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
