Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize