I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
