party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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