Jerry, you need to find god
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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