I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
