dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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