Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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