She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
