So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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