You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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