he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
