So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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