Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
