OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
