im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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