Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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