would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bring me that man meat
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize