Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
