its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
