Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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