I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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