I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
