Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
