Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
