can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
