Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
