Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
