OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize