It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
