I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you win again, gameday.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
