he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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