Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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