oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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