i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
