pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize