My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
