Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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