a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
