Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
