My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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