She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
