how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
