Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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