u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize