Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
