What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
