She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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