She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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