i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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