You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
