i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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