8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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