Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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