The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I believe in your delicious
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
