College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
being pregnant is like rehab
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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