Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
