lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
