Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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