Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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