You really coming over, don't trick.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
